A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. ~Steven Wright

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

Welcome to Arizona. 100 years of history Unimpeded by Progress.

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal.

A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.

When blondes have more fun do they know it?

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.

The statement below is true.

The statement above is false.

I don't have a license to kill but I do have a learners permit.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless still dead.

Time is fun when you're having flies. Kermit

Red Meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy Green Meat is bad for you.

If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't met everybody.

All Power Corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat though.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.

Gargling is a good way to see if your throat leaks.

Mississippi State Motto: At least we're not Alabama.

Remember: First you Pillage then you Burn.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs.

Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake.

Half The People In The World Are Below Average

Failure Is Not An Option. It's bundled with your software.

KENTUCKY: Five Million People, Fifteen last names.

Save The Whales. Collect a whole set.

Honk If You Love Peace and Quiet

Strip Mining Prevents Forest Fires.

I'm pretty sure that sex is better than logic but I can't prove it.

Arkansas State Motto: Don't Ask Don't Tell Don't Laugh

A picture may be worth a thousand words but it uses up a thousand times more memory.

If a thing is worth doing wouldn't it have been done already?

If we weren't meant to eat animals then why are they made of meat?

Ham and Eggs. Just a day's work for a chicken but a lifetime commitment for a pig.