MENS' QUIZ:

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

• A. Lovemaking
• B. Screwing
• C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:

• A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
• B. Your blood-test results
• C. Five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:

• A. Your partner climaxes first.
• B. You both climax simultaneously
• C. You don't miss Sports Center.

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

• A. Healthy, creative love-play.
• B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to.
• C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to ever find out about.

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

• A. The best part of the experience.
• B. The second best part of the experience.
• C. $100 extra.

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:

• A. No concern of yours.
• B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.
• C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:

• A. A myth.
• B. An oxymoron.
• C. A Moron.

8. Foreplay is to sex as:

• A. Appetizer is to entree.
• B. Primer is to paint.
• C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?

• A. "I hope we can still be friends."
• B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
• C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

• A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy.
• B. Is uptight and a waste of time.
• C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Evaluating Results:

If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.

If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy, you're a little confused. If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!