Rejected Hallmark Cards

So your daughter's a hooker

and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,

she's a really good lay.

My tire was thumping

I thought it was flat

when I looked at the tire

I noticed your cat.....Sorry!

You had your bladder removed

and you're on the mends

here's a bouquet of flowers

and a box of Depends.

You've announced that you're gay

won't that be a laugh,

when they find out you're one

of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Happy Vasectomy!

Hope you feel zippy!

'Cause when I had mine

I got real snippy!

Heard your wife left you

How upset you must be

But don't fret about it

She moved in with me.

Your computer is dead

It was once so alive

Don't you regret installing

Windows 95?

You totaled your car

and can't remember why

could it have been

the case of Bud Dry?

Saw something today

that reminded me of you

As a matter of fact it was

The shit on my shoe.

So you're taking viagra

So you can please me

What you need is an implant

Since your inch size is Three